listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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