if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
you never un-have a 4some
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
