How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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