I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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