There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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