i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
there is glitter all over my balls
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