Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
