just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
