He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
