Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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