Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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