I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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