my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
