Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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