Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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