Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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