What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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