maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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