I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
