Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
