My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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