Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
