Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
