Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
