That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
