Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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