Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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