The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
