thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
