how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
