She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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