We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
