I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
