She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
