Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
