OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
