Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
