i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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