maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
