My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
