Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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