if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
