I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
