I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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