Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
