I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
