My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
