I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
