Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
