did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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