This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
