does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
