i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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